Appointment With Counselor Friend
[ Wednesday May 30th 2018 at 9:55 am ]
I just finished a discussion with my friend who is a counselor. He is a really good sounding board for me. The discussion I had was very helpful.
I am reconsidering how to manage the logistics of my day to day life. The injections into both of my knee joints on May 24th are likely to fail. I've been feeling the pain they were suppose to address. In 3 more days the medication will wear off. At this stage I don't see how it is possible for this to have a successful outcome.
I've been living a recovery that hasn't materialized for the past 3 years. I've been in ongoing treatment for the adult after math of my hip disease since 2006. Repeatedly my body just hasn't responded as is typical. Based on a June 2012 assess the treatment when I was between ages 2 and 5 overshadowed this causing the repeated unsuccessful result.
As of October 2017 the disability pension I receive is no longer sufficient to keep my cost of living paid. It hasn't kept up with the cost of inflation. Additionally funding for components of this (such as maintenance my household appliances and emergency home repairs) was removed. I need to change my focus.
I've managed to amass a "to do" list of nearly 50 items since my unsuccessful surgery in 2015. I kept on experiencing set backs. It kept making more sense trying to pursue a recovery. But this has never materialized. I want to live my day to day life. I am taking stock of what I have to work with. The few good hours I have each day are now better spent working my way through my "to do" list. Once completed I am keen to pursue my time pursuing my self employment goals.
There are a few remaining treatment options for me. But with my body repeatedly not bringing the expected results I am in an awkward position. If I have more treatment and it backfires I won't have the option to be pursing self employment. I am at the tipping point where I've given everything to a recovery with only the bare minimum left to have the option of self employment. It is a real challenge living with chronic pain and a physical disability. I am limited in what I am able to do in a day. I've become very focused to remain effective. Thankfully my mental acuity helped me sort out plans a, b, c, etc. I don't want to be doomed to a life of poverty. I genuinely respect all the time, energy, effort and resources invested in me.
I haven't given up on my life. This wasn't what I was expecting when I grew up. It wasn't my childhood dream. But I'm committed to my life. I own my circumstances. Now with the risk further treatment represents it is time to change my focus. I am grateful for my life. I am thankful for the unique opportunity I see building around me to invest in people, be a good steward of what the health care community invested in me and what the Lord Jesus has entrusted to me.