Week 1 Of The Grief Support Group
[ Wednesday March 22nd 2023 at 8:25 pm ]
This evening I attended week 1 of the grief support group for the 2nd time.
I can tell I will benefit from attending this group again. I am glad it is available on Zoom. The Internet represents my independence on account of my mobility issues.
My right knee buckled on September 30th 2022. As a result the pain I experience in my knees was out of control almost the entire time I was going through the group the grief support group in fall 2022. I know I will hear some of what I missed because of the lack of pain control in the fall. I am also in a slightly better pain management position right now. The immediate first steps of addressing the burst plumbing and my sump pump requiring replacement of the past 4 weeks has been addressed.
I am again I am in a position where I am able to moderate my activities for the purposes of pain management to get the most out of the group as I go through the 7 week group again. This isn't sustainable in the long term. But for the purposes of a group that has a defined start and end date it is time, energy and effort well spent. I need to be able to have emotional stamina available to do the activities I enjoy because the volatile nature of my chronic pain. I'd simply have become a vegetable of a wrecked person years ago if I hadn't managed the skills for how I schedule my life.
It is obvious to me that when I've finished repeating the 7 week grief support group for a second time and I've had the final appointment with the social worker shortly thereafter I will have got what I was hoping out of this. I realize after this first session of doing the group a second time that I haven't been giving myself enough credit for the effort I was putting in. To be fair this wasn't obvious to me while I've been going through the motions. Seeing others who are developing skills gave me a glimpse of how far I've come. In January 2023 I had made a breakthrough after one of the appointments with the social worker where I realized my aunt dying wasn't a black hole any more. Instead it switched to being about memories with my aunt. The sting of my aunt dying is going away. This has been very positive.
My hope of going through this again and what I think will be 4 more appointments the social worker is partially to give me more or better skills at managing emotionally related issues while enduring severe pain that is frequently out of control. I am committed to my life. I've tried very hard to take care of myself as a whole person while enduring the ongoing medical treatment for my physical disability. I am not trying to live my life like nothing has gone wrong. I try to address things in my life as they come up. In fact some of my friends who are married have said they envy my ability to do this. In contrast they are always cognizant of the needs their wives and children represent. Overall I am seeing a very distinct dichotomy in the people I am attending this new group with who will benefit from the life skills being offered.
I now see why on the final session in December the volunteer leaders talked about the "drop in" groups on offers for anyone requiring additional support. I see the wisdom in how they set this up. The 7 week group is very intense in giving skills and stability to life after the upheaval of a loved one dying. I expect the open groups on offer are themed around helping people have the motivation and desire to resume life. I see the open groups they offer as the next natural step for someone who has done their 7 week group but still required some support. I once again have the sense that what Bereavement Families Of Ontario offers is no accident, very well thought out and tweaked.
I personally haven't found it hard being motivated to live my life, making plans and following through with my goals. I do need to give provision to the needs of my physical disability (such as something needing to wait or my plans tweaked to stay in sync with my physical abilities or needs). Essentially I see the open groups on offer for someone who progressed through weeks 6 and 7 that are forward looking but then either bottomed out or is struggling with loneliness from their loved one dying and needing accountability or encouragement to pursue the activities of life once the initial burden of grief has passed. That isn't me.